Hello, my name is Nancy, and I was a cheater. I’ve never cheated on a tax return or a final exam, but I did cheat on my husband. That’s why I’m an expert on infidelity—because I’ve lived it.
The “greener grass syndrome” has seduced many people into believing they’ll find true joy and fulfillment on the other side of the marital fence. I believed that lie.
Ron was twenty-six and I was twenty-two when we got married in 1978. Both of us thought that it was the other person’s job to “make me happy!” We soon found out that was impossible.
I complained and criticized my way through our first year, and then Ron retaliated with the “I’m a bad husband because you’re a bad wife” defense. He was controlling, demanding, and impatient. We both looked for ways to punish each other, and our anger and resentment grew until they overshadowed our love.
That’s when I met Jake. He thought I was beautiful, funny, and smart. He only saw the good in me, and he bathed me in compliments. We worked for the same company, so it was easy to spend time together. We started meeting for lunches, then dinners, and eventually . . . dessert.
So my book is different from other marriage books that are based on theories, statistics, and clinical studies of infidelity: my book is about real life in the real world.
The truth is, marriage is both difficult and effortless, magnificent and excruciating, blissful and tedious. Sometimes it’s all those things within the same day—even within the same hour.
I know how hard it is to stay in a less-than-perfect marriage while TV talk shows and well-meaning friends are preaching the “you deserve to be happy” gospel. I looked for that verse in the Bible. Trust me—it’s not there.
In the first section of Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome. I talk about the self-deception and lame excuses I resorted to for my unfaithfulness. You probably won’t like me very much, and I’m okay with that as long as you keep reading and give me a chance to show you what a swell gal I am now.
I also talk about my mom and dad. My parents’ “tough love” led Ron and me to reconciliation. Without their intervention, I don’t know if we would have been able to see any hope for our future. Their prayers and insights led us to the door of forgiveness, and then we walked through it.
The second part of my book is about our recovery and the things we’ve learned in the past thirty-five years of rebuilding our marriage. We faced our faults, changed our behaviors, and decided to love each other. The purpose of our story is to give you hope and encouragement and provide you with exciting ways to grow a fabulous, affair-proof marriage.
I want to show you how to grow the greenest grass in the universe—in your own back yard.
Your new friend,
Excerpted from Avoiding the Greener Grass Syndrome: How to Grow Affair-Proof Marriages Around Your Marriage, 2nd edition, by Nancy C. Anderson (Kregel Publications 2017)